I hardly exercise anymore.
I hardly write anymore.
I just spend a lot of time investigating this person because his past was made of lies. I don't know if i can ever trust him again completely. I don't know why i want to stay in a net like this, living a strange life, sort of like a hippie. No matter how much I shower and sleep, I still feel really dry and really dirty. I am scared of a lot of things now. I bring a tennis rocket but i am scared of going to class. I am scared of meeting new people. I just want to hide in my own corner. I am too attached to him, but somehow deep inside i know that since i've met him, my life has not been better, it has been worse. I've been sick so many times now and went to the hospital twice in the past two months. I'm scared of his indonesian friends, I'm scared of his women friends, i don't fit in with the people he is comfortable with. And I know that i probably never will. We are in two different worlds together.
And I am exhausted. I wish that there is a pill you can take to forget about someone. I would take it. It is unfortunate when a women finds a devastating man, because women are emotional and not quite rational. I just want to live a normal life, but with him, i don't think it will be possible because i can't ever forgive him for the hurts he brought me and I d
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